02 Aug A Lifetime Of Everything
Marriage definitely is beyond what a single person can understand. That’s what I realized after 2 years of being married.
But if there is something I am always very thankful of, it is that I married the man who was always there for me. My best friend, Noah.
So when the day he asked me, I never doubted. I said “Yes” in a split second. I was convinced.
Unlike what fairy tales always say at the end of each story, marriage isn’t a “Happily Ever After” in reality. No. It is in fact, a beginning of a new life story where there’s you and him against whatever life brings – good or bad.
But marriage is bigger than paying the monthly bills. It is more than convincing myself to wake up every morning. It is deeper than any scuba dive I’ve ever done in my life and it gets more confusing when the monthly visitor arrives.
First year, oh well that was a tough one. You grew up in such a loving family when I grew up seeing my parents hurt each other – where when things go rough, the door is always one step away. I always thought we were going to face life’s storms together only to realize that when you’re married, these storms can come from both of you. I got scared, a lot of times. I wanted to run away, a lot of times. But the farthest I can go is back to my mom’s place or crash at my sister’s place. You had a hard time beating my stubborn brain that our marriage isn’t like my parent’s marriage. That we’re in this together – that we’ll be alright.
But then came the supposed little things which became big things for me. I was beating myself for being ‘not enough’ in too many aspects.
The recipes I knew how to cook became too little. We were eating the same stuff after a week. Not enough.
The 24 hours a day didn’t seem enough for me to adjust to my new role and taking care of both of us and keeping up with the house work while doing my full-time work and the ministry.
Then there were small chores I wasn’t used to doing such as ironing and washing the clothes EVERY SINGLE WEEK. (All my clothes didn’t need ironing and I had too many I can go for a month without washing them and still have unused clothes to wear).
And then of course, who can forget my need to have my own space, to be alone. I was no longer in my mom’s house where I can always retreat to my room and be alone for the whole day. Remember when I cried over my frustration of losing my space because of you? haha. Yep, I was funny and immature but you were so clingy.
But through all that, you never showed a single sign of frustration or regret.
You understood I was running out of recipes so you were fine with eating the same stuff again and never complained. But then you’d suggest of eating out when you see me still not cooking any food when it’s meal time.
You understood my frustration over not finishing some tasks I wanted to be done so you help me finish them.
You take on housework when you see me struggling to wake up then you always let me sleep in. Sometimes, when there’s friable food in the fridge, I get to wake up with brunch on the table.
I wasn’t used to ironing and washing clothes for someone else but neither were you (cause your mom always did those stuff for you). But you never complained and ironed your own clothes.
My love, I want you to know that I appreciate the little things you do for me, for us. Every day, you challenge me to be a better wife by being the best husband. Thank you.
Thank you for sacrificing your sleep for me for the countless nights I thought I was losing my mind. Thank you for putting up with my constant emotional breakdown and never complaining how it affects my daily routine. Thank you for never giving up on me when I was giving up on myself. Thank you for always coming up with reasons every time I say I want to die. Truly, I married my soulmate. Or should I say, cell-mate? 😀 But if marriage is a prison, I’d love to stay in prison with you. (charowts na kaayo bess). But really. If it wasn’t for you, I must have already hanged myself by now. 🙂
My love, I know I am not a gift-kind-of person so I am sorry if I didn’t get you anything this year (again). It’s just so hard to sneak money from you. T__T So please accept my little token of appreciation hidden inside my clothes cupboard. Hope you’ll like it. 🙂
Marriage is in fact beyond a single person can ever understand. It’s beyond you and I but this promise of a lifetime is a gift I’ll always treasure. Today, I’ll feel like the world is falling apart but tomorrow, it is a world better than that of yesterdays. There is something new every day, be it good or bad. It is definitely, forever. A lifetime of everything. Happy 2nd Anniversary Baby. I love you.
(PS: To those who read this blog, please don’t tell him about the gift. Want him to read this blog himself and finish it :D)